What I want

,

I want to have fun,
I want to not care,
and then,
I want to have some more fun.

I want to feel safe.
Always.
I want to not worry.
And then,
I want to have some more fun.

Are my wishes too much?

Why must I have it all figured out?

Can’t it be lighter?
Can’t it be easier?
Why can’t it all be a game?

Maybe it can be,
Maybe I can.
Make it all just a game.

Are you happy? Do you feel fulfilled?

,

I have a friend who’s going through a difficult period right now. We had a long conversation over the phone last week, and she asked me these questions:

Are you happy?
Do you feel fulfilled?

These are questions we all ask ourselves from time to time, and would probably like to ask others – it wasn’t a little award and almost impolite to ask these questions. But anyway, here is the answer I gave her, and my point of view related to this.

First of all, I don’t believe there’s such thing as absolute happiness. I don’t think there’s any human on this planet that is a hundred percent happy, no matter who or where they are.

Secondly, feeling fulfilled in life is like the feeling of fullness after a meal: you get hungry after a few hours. Life is not about reaching a destination; it’s a journey, an open road in front of you. You discover, learn and adjust on this path you walk on. And that’s part of its beauty.

If there were a certain destination that if reached, would give us a permanent and constant feeling of happiness and fulfillment, that destination would soon become just a static place from where you’d want to move on and escape. Because we humans need to grow, evolve and discover constantly.

What passion is

Some say that there is no such thing as passion and that you should forget about finding it.
But what is passion, after all? We imagine it as a constant feeling of pleasure you get when you engage in an activity you love.  Our expectation of how we’d feel when we find our passion has been influenced by the trends in the society we live in. Everyone seems to be after feeling good these days. Gratification on the moment. Ignore whatever pain you feel. Medicate it, if you can’t ignore it. Overlook whatever doesn’t work, pretend it’s not there. Think positive.

If you look up the word passion in the dictionary, you’ll notice that it originates from a Latin word that means to suffer and to submit. This reminded me of the movie “The Passion of the Christ.” Jesus was so passionate about his mission and what he knew was true, that he was ready to suffer for it.

What if passion is not the permanent ecstatic state of being that we imagine?
What if passion means being ready to suffer for what you love and pursuing it even if it’s the most difficult path to take?

If this is what passion is, then the problem is not that you can’t find it or that it doesn’t exist.

The question then becomes, do you want to find your passion? And once you do, are you willing to suffer for it and pursue it no matter what?

Advisers

,

I was telling a friend I enrolled in a writing workshop. She knew I’ve been searching for ways to explore my creativity. And her advice was to be careful about choosing writing because it might come from a subconscious need to be known and it might be driven by the ego.

I felt a little disappointed by her words. And for a while, I took a break from working on the assignments for the writing course.

But this made me think of the times in my life when I’ve let others’ opinions influence me; when I gave up passions and projects because of other people’s comments. And later regretted it. Even years later.

Each time I’ve let myself go astray, deep inside, there was another voice trying to guide me. Now, I hear it better. Then, it was just a faint whisper – maybe because I didn’t use to listen to it much. Or perhaps the voice was afraid like I was.

For too long, I looked for answers outside. In my need for certainty, I surrounded myself with louder sounds. But louder isn’t necessarily wiser.

The voice within had to cut through the noise. And I had to learn to listen to the silence.

In search of God

,

The search for God is of at least two kinds:
– an intellectual curiosity about God, a need to know the explanations and the details
– a search of the soul wanting to link its loneliness with God, aware that only God can know you completely

Fear-based decisions

,

This time of the year is the busiest at my workplace. And this year, I couldn’t even count on the person who works for me. We’ve been working together for about eight months, and I kept hoping that things will get better. They never did, but the thought of starting from the beginning with someone new made me feel overwhelmed, and I kept avoiding letting her go and searching for someone else.

It was a decision based on fear. And these are the worst kinds. They keep you stuck in a place that you see no improvement of. The situation does have a way out, but you don’t get out of it because you imagine worst-case scenarios. In most cases, the things that you imagine and keep you stuck, will never happen. They only exist in your imagination.
The French philosopher Michel Montagne ironically said:

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

The reality is less dramatic than our scary dreams. Things are much simpler and have a better ending than what we fear might happen. All we need to do is to take the next step that is most simple to take from where we are now. And then the next one.

Indecision

,


I’m floating in the limbo of indecision.

The worst thing about it is that it makes me lose my time. I don’t know what to do, so I don’t do anything important to me.

It might be the wrong mindset.

Maybe it’s not decide, then do. Maybe it’s do, then decide.

You need to try things out before you decide. Otherwise, you decide without having the most important information: do you like the option you chose or not?