When I think of all the things I want to do and change about my life, I feel completely overwhelmed. And then, all I can hear is the voice inside my head that tells me that it’s pointless, impossible and that I don’t have the time. That it makes no sense and I’d better give up now, before being disappointed. That it’s useless to hope for things I can’t achieve.
So I wrote them down, all the big things I want to do or change in my life. And I realized that they are actually not that many. About seven or eight. Yes, big projects. Yes, I need consistency and to work on them for a longer period. But they seem a lot more doable when you look at them written down on a piece of paper. Some of them derive from others on the list, and I can work on them only after I achieve the others. That means that the list of things to work on right now is shorter. It came down to just five things I want.
I called this “My Essential Desires” list, and it goes on the front page of my all in one notebook for daily motivation and focus.
I feel heartbroken even if my heart has not been broken – at least not these days. I had a fall out with a close member of my family. And I’ve tried to numb myself from feeling bad by binge-watching Vampire Diaries on Netflix. I deliberately took a temporary break from my life, doing just the minimum necessary work to keep things afloat.
I think it’s quite a good method of numbing yourself when you feel bad.
Now, of course, you can’t stay in that mode for too long, but it felt comforting to be able to do that and to give myself this break, knowing it’s only temporary, and that I will get back to my life and when I will, the pain will be less painful.
Every time I accomplished something, I made a silent commitment to myself. A secret decision that I will go for it. And it was all the motivation I needed.
I didn’t tell anyone about it; I didn’t announce the world. And I don’t remember writing it down, either.
That determined inner commitment is more important than any goal system, calendar, application or coach.
The tools are helpful if the commitment exists. Just the tools alone, are a waste of time.
Sometimes you notice there is a certain type of situation that is always repeating itself in your life and the result is not quite the one you want. Or a not so good circumstance lasts for too long.
When you are in the middle of one of these scenarios, the tendency is to think that life is not fair, the stars are badly aligned, and there’s nothing you can do. Or, even if you have a suspicion that part of the fault might be yours, you convince yourself that there’s nothing you could possibly do, anyway.
But situations like these are signs.
Signs that life, or God, is trying to tell you something.
And your assignment is to recalibrate the way you view an area of life.
This recalibration is not easy.
You need to dig deep into your beliefs. And to be brutally honest with yourself. So honest, as if it’s not about yourself. But it is. And that’s what makes this assessment difficult.
It feels like a remolding of your soul. It can be painful. But if you do it, you get yourself out of the circle. You get to not only move on, but you also get accustomed to the teaching style of life, the framework of its lessons.
The next time a lesson comes around, it will take you less time to understand – as long as you are willing to learn.